Over this holiday season I was so dazzled by cars in la-la land that I forgot to post.  I’m back on track.  Are you ready for some more interesting posts?

As you know the traditional donut-carrier is the Ford Crown Vic.  Some of you who’ve been pulled over for speeding might know this…  And I’m NOT talking to you Schmooey…

15 years ago, the only true Ford Crown Vic competitor from Chevy, the Caprice, was phased out.  Since 1996, we’ve been terrorized by donut-eating cops in Ford Crown Vics and Dodge Chargers.  True, the Charger is a great car, it’s just not meant for much except pursuit…  Now, Chevy is a player in the game… Since the Pontiac G8 (we all should have good feelings for it!  RIP Pontiac…) was killed along with the rest of the brand in 2010, there’s been no cop car (definitely NOT the Impala!) to compete with the Charger and Crown Vic.  Behold the all-new, all-cool Chevy Caprice Police Patrol Vehicle (PPV)! With a mighty 385 horsepower, 355 lb-ft of torque, 6.2 liter V8 (a de-tuned Corvette engine), fast-shifting six-speed automatic with overdrive and sport mode, traction control, 2,000 lb towing capacity (up 550 lbs from the Crown Vic!), stability control, optional light bar, standard titanium push bar (bye-bye UPS truck…), and special wheels forged out of steel.  Inside, there’s a MacBook Pro laptop computer (no more PC’s in cruisers!), column shift, plastic rear seat, a trunk big enough to fit a dirt bike, navigation, alarm system, CB radio (we can’t seem to get rid of these things!), a special nook in the driver’s and passenger’s front seats for cops to have much less lower back pain (stop eating donuts!!). Really it’s so they can drive without having to worry about jamming their guns. It also has an automatic parking brake, and front leather seats!  Now I’m wanting one…Hint, Officer…

According to GM chairman, Rick Wagoner, “we’re hoping to start getting these cars’ keys into police officers’ hands by 2012.  If we can do this, what’ll Ford do?  We’re also thinking of selling them as fleet cars to rental companies.”  Don’t start selling them to rental companies just yet!  Wait until next year, and use this car as the next-generation Impala!  What I just said is my hope, and previous GM chairman, Bob Lutz’ dream. Just so y’all know, this car isn’t all American.  It’s based on the Australian-market Holden Commodore (which is SOOO popular for road racing).  If this does become the next-generation Impala (or better yet, Chevelle!), then it looks like I know what my new Baby is!  Oh, and it’s got a 155 mph GOVERNED top speed.  Theoretically, without the governor, think closer to 190 mph!  VROOOOOOOOOM!! If you’d like to know even more, please visit: gmfleet.com

And Ford is trying to sell the Taurus SHO as a pursuit car!  Good luck with that, Ford…


5 thoughts on “Been Pulled Over by Officer Chevy Caprice PPV?

  1. great to see you back in action

    your writing is becoming really “you” shining through with your sense of humor growing as you do

    love from your faithful reader


    PS: send a copy to GM and tell them you should be on their PR team and you’re tired of working for dog sitter wages

  2. Uncle Schmooey says looks good!
    Looks like the donuts will fit nicely in this new cruiser.
    Can’t wait to get pulled over by one of these.

    Uncle Schmooey

  3. In defense of those wonderful officers who helped jump-start Nonna’s car on a pre-holiday, rush hour, dark evening, they aren’t ALL donut eaters!!!!

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