1:  2007 VW Touareg V10 TDI.  It may not be in production, but it IS still strong enough to pull a 747 out of the way!  That means it shouldn’t be TOO hard to tow that huge tank of diesel fuel back to your compound.  

2:  1959 Daimler “Ferret” Armored Car.  It’s list of “amenities” is kind of short:  A Brown “dummy” machine gun, smoke grenade launchers, periscopes, tents, canteens, and a 4.3 liter six-cylinder engine shared with various Rolls-Royce and Bentleys.  That should make your search for parts about as easy as finding a diamond in a pig trough!  Daimler Ferret Mk1 Liaison

3:  2007 Cool Amphibious Manufacturers Terra Wind RV.  Noah would be jealous of this monster.  At 43 feet long, parking this behemoth in the compound should be a bit more than exciting.  It also weighs almost 16 tons.  A massive 330 horsepower Caterpillar engine drives the rear two axles or the twin 19-inch bronze propellors.  You can catch fish from the roof, and eat in front of the 42 inch plasma TV while watching “Die Hard.”


4:  2007 Hummer H2.  Though it may weigh 6500 pounds and be clad in plastic, GM got the off-road formula pretty much perfect (for once).  If your compound happens to have a Chevron station and/or an oil well, you’ll be covered.

Hummer h2

5:  2012 Mercedes-Benz G55 AMG.  The Gendelwagen is basically a gussied-up German Army scout vehicle.  Though it may have a leather interior, that doesn’t stop it from scaling hills up to 40 degrees.  That means you can scale the Great Pyramid…

2009 mercedes benz g55 amg 8

6:  2011 Toyota FJ Cruiser.  This is the last model year for the FJ, and the best year to get one.  Why?  A sturdy 258 horsepower 4.0 liter V6 will get better fuel economy than that G55 of yours, but will climb angles of up to 45 degrees.  Perfect for climbing over that Corolla in your way…Toyota FJ CRUISER Review-4

7:  E.V.A Track 800 CDi.  This is one AWESOME motorcycle.  It has a diesel engine borrowed from a Smart car.  While other post-apocalyptic survivors are killing each other over the Earth’s oil reserves, you can fill up from any McDonald’s.  With 20,000 (and counting) McDonald’s locations in North America, filling up shouldn’t be too hard.  Plus, you can achieve up to 100 mpg.

8:  DAF 95 Turbotwin X1.  This truck is just about the scariest truck to ever race the Paris-Dakar rally.  With two turbocharged 11.6 liter engines EACh producing 1200 horsepower and 3466 lb-ft of torque.  Add that together and you’ll have 2400 horsepower and nearly 7000 lb-ft of torque.  Plus, the body is a simple aluminum/carbon fiber spaceframe.  That will take you all the way to 150 mph.  I recommend going that fast when you are being chased by another survivor…This truck is about as diabolical a truck as you’ll ever see.

9:  1990 Bentley Turbo R (Armored, of course).  I know that when you start out, you’ll be speeding along over the decaying bodies of the former owner of your compound.  But, when you have your own Barterville, you will probably be known as “Machete the Terrible.”  You will need a car to take care of your opponents.  The Bentley Turbo R (armored version) will take care of most mines, light firearms, shotguns, grenades, and the like.  This means that you can be comforted in white Connolly leather, while mowing down your opponents.

a photo of this vehicle

10:  2012 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon (four door).  Nobody can crawl over rocks like a Jeep.  Nobody.  The Jeep Rubicon has Chrysler’s new Pentastar V6 that cranks out 290 horsepower.  Since there are four doors in this monster, the Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited is perfect for a little “shopping run.”  Plus, it hasn’t changed very much since 1944.  That should be very helpful when scavenging for parts.

Jeep Wrangler Rubicon 2011-6

I know that I promised to only blab on about ten vehicles, but the Oshkosh MRAP is the perfect post-apocalyptic survival vehicle.  Grenade launchers and machine guns can be attached.

MRAP All Terrain Vehicle (M-ATV).  Photo:  Oshkosh Corporation

Also, the Critter Gitter is pretty nice for puttering around the compound.  With it’s massive 8.1 liter Vortec engine pumping out 300 horsepower, it’s more like FLYING around the compound…

6 thoughts on “Ten Vehicles That You Should Find When the Apocalypse Happens

  1. Great post. You really had me laughing! Remind me not to get a Fiat or a Honda Fit for the upcoming apocalypse – you’ll squash me like a bug in one of those people eating machines. Question though – where will you find gas? Scavenging for parts requires long drives, and therefore a reliable gas source. Perhaps you should get an armored Prius…

  2. I had the same thought as your mother! I would like my apocolyptic get-away vehicle to be solar powered. Unless the mushroom cloud covers the sun! Hmm, maybe it can run on debri or charred flesh. Hmmm.
    Cynthia

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